Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
