i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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