Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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