I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize