I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
