the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize