Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
