I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We talked him into tasing himself.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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