return my video game
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
