"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
