We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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