At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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