I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
