I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
