Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
