So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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