maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
