So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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