i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
