I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
