You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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