i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
