I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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