last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
