i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
