she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
