dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
