Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
