I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize