My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
