so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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