She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
