I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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