guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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