Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The Olympian is in my bed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
