Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
