ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
