i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
