Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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