oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
