my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
