STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
