So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
