dude i'm inner monologue high
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
