Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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