I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
