Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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