so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
