I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You ruined the universe
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
