I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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