i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
