The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize