I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
