Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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