Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
