Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
