it wasn't lemon gatorade
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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