yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
