i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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