"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
