dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
