Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
