Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My balls are so social today.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
