ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
